Fireworks

This morning (yesterday), Rachelle was reintroduced to her stem cells. The process was very quick. A tiny bag resembling an individually wrapped frozen chicken breast was pulled out of a cooler filled with dry ice. 

The nurse massaged the bag in warm water. 

Another nurse confirmed that Rachelle’s name was on the bag and hooked it up to an IV pump. 

Less than an hour later, Rachelle began day zero, her new birthday.

The last few years have felt like a dark, slow, downhill fall. I had forgotten how much it hurt to be slowly losing my wife. The disease progressed at such a dragging pace that we just gradually got used to the new normal of lack of energy and increasing pain.

It was too much for me to watch her suffer and struggle. So, most of the time, I simply had to turn off my feelings. I didn’t even realize I had done it. When people ask me how we're doing I half-jokingly respond: “not dead yet”. It’s kind of funny (if you get the Monty Python reference) but it’s not very aspirational. If someone probes a little further, I say: “It could be worse”. Truth be told, I was having trouble imagining how.

But today I felt excited: eight-year-old, got-what-I-wanted-for-Christmas excited. I haven’t felt excited, even happy, in such a long time. This treatment means enjoyment and fun are possible. It means time and energy to have great days with our children. It means we get to shift gears from "survive" to "thrive"!

Thank you. Thank you! For giving, praying, researching, listening, babysitting, cooking, believing. We are so incredibly blessed to have such a swarm of supportive friends and family. I just can’t imagine making it to this day without you!

On Wednesday nights, in Chicago, there are fireworks over Lake Michigan. Rachelle and I sat at the hospital room window and watched them light up the city and felt them boom in our chests. Tonight, they celebrated for us! The journey is uphill now! We’re no longer falling! Now, we climb, stronger and more hopeful by the day!