A Little Too Much...

As most of you know, my health "journey" (I truly dislike that word) has been a bit tumultuous. Yet here I am again, preparing for an IVIG infusion next week to stop a flare up of my CIDP symptoms. Preparing for chemo like side effects. Preparing for pain, discomfort all to keep living. As the song says, "Sometimes it all gets a little too much".

While the world has been battling COVID-19, we've been in a very private battle in our home with one of our sons. It has been the most stress I have ever experienced thus far in my life. The lack of sleep, exhaustion, Dr's appointments and constant stress has finally caught up with my already fragile body and caused a flare up to occur. I have been doing the best I can to mitigate the stress through therapy, meditation, my current infusion med schedules etc., but the body can only handle so much.

Song lyrics have always been my jam. I memorize them, sing along and constantly interject them into conversations I'm having with songs I know (ask my friends, they know). This song just popped up on my playlist and it speaks to where I am today. Am I strong, YES. Am I tired of this constant fight, YES. Will I keep fighting to live, YES. Will I still have bad days and weep, YES.

I've been living through horrible illness for almost 9 years. Your health is a precious gift. Please do not take it for granted. For those of us who did everything right and still got horrible diseases. For those of us that have to fight like hell just to live another day with the people we love so dearly. Don't take it for granted.

My sister-in-law is currently going through chemo for breast cancer. When she called to tell me her diagnosis, I wept. I knew the road ahead for her and I wept. The 'Silver Lining' to having gone through what I have, is I can help those I love through it all with a little less fear, and a lot of love. This is now the 2nd time I have put together a "chemo kit" for someone I love. The second (if I count myself, the third) time I have helped shave a loved ones head when hair starts falling out from chemo. It is so very humbling, to be asked into those moments. It's an honor to help and also hard. I've said many times in this blog over the years, that perspective is a gift. Gaining that perspective though requires so very much pain. Simple things I have learned and am being reminded...love well, show up for your people when they need you, and don't take a moment of peace for granted because the next wave is coming.

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A Little Too Much - Shawn Mendes

"She would not show that she was afraid

But being and feeling alone was too much to face
Though everyone said that she was so strong
What they didn't know is that she could barely carry on

But she knew that she would be okay
So she didn't let it get in her way

Sometimes it all gets a little too much
But you gotta realize that soon the fog will clear up
And you don't have to be afraid, because we're all the same
And we know that sometimes it all gets a little too much

She would always tell herself she could do this
She would use no help it would be just fine
But when it got hard she would lose her focus
So take my hand and we'll be alright

And she knew that she would be okay
So she didn't let it get in her way

Sometimes it all gets a little too much
But you…"